rant

The Coolest Books You’ll Never Read

Oh man, nothing is more frustrating to me than when I go to Barnes and Nobles and search a book I want to read and it’s not in stock.  I know, I know, download it on my Kindle or Nook or buy it online and wait til it get’s to you.  But what about the books you want to read and they don’t exist?  Sounds like a bad time to any bibliophile, right? Welcome to that nightmare bookworm.

There are countless books, movies and T.V. shows are there that feature such books.  Here is a small list (yes I know with the damn lists again) to inform you of cool books you will never read.

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Every Book Hermione Reads in the Harry Potter Series

Personally, I would love to visually devour anything by Bathilda Bagshot.  It was really cool when J.K. Rowling released “Quidditch Throughout the Ages”, “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them”, and “Beedle the Bard and Other Tales” but what the shit.  I want more.  I want the spell books and don’t even get me started on what I would do to the restricted section in Hogwarts.  I am a greedy little Potterhead that needs all her life to be Potter related, including the books I read.

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The Necronomicon- H.P. Lovecraft

Even if you aren’t well versed in Lovecraftian literature, you know that this is THE book that is mentioned in many stories by him.  It’s supposedly a book of dark magic written by a man who worshiped entities like Cthulhu, and just studying it is dangerous.  

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Necronomicon Ex-Mortis- Evil Dead

Please, please, tell me you’ve seen this movie.  And if you have you know this book will get you into lots of trouble when read out loud.  It has the power to summon demons and control Deadites, and wait… maybe this wouldn’t be a cool book to read.  Well, if I ever got the chance to read it, I sure hope I don’t get raped by a tree!

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The Misery Series- Misery by Stephen King

You know, I think this would be one of those books I’d buy, but never really ever get around to reading.  Misery is supposed to be a historical romance kind of thing and I can’t say I’ve read many of those or have interest to.  At least I know I’d never hobble Paul Sheldon!  Nonetheless, this would still make a cool addition to my shelves.

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The Handbook for the Recently Deceased- Beetlejuice

The cover of this book is probably the most iconic “book that isn’t a book”.  How cool would it be to read this and be like, “Oh shit, ok this is what I do when I die.”  When I watch this movie I want to shake the Maitland’s for not reading that book cover to cover when they find it.  Juno isn’t impressed either.

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There are a bunch more out there, but these were the ones I could think of that I wanted to read the most.  What are some books that you wished were real?

P.S.A.  I will be attending NecronomiCON Providence this weekend!  Follow me on my Instagram and check out my con stories and pictures!

rant

I really, really like lists

I love lists.  Lists of bad things, good things, I have no preference.  I love searching Top Ten *whatever* or Best of *things*.  I can get lost for hours watching WatchMojo.com YouTube videos of countdowns, I loved when VH1 used to do the music countdowns of best music/bands, I love looking at lists of must read books on Goodreads.  I love saying, “WTF that shouldn’t be number 1!” or, “Of course that’s number 1!”  If you are a list/countdown lover too, please peep some of my favorites I’ve found over the years!

100 Scariest Movie Moments- Bravo circa 2004

I was 14 when I watched this around Halloween and it has always stuck with me.  There are still so many movies on this list that I have yet to see, but hopefully one day I will.  With interviews and commentary from Wes Craven, Peter Jackson, Tom Savini and many more makes for a fun horror miniseries.  But not every movie on this list is horror!  Remember Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory when they venture into the tunnel of nightmares?  Yeah, that made the cut, and well deserving!  I think you can find a crappy quality version of this countdown on YouTube somewhere, but it’s absolutely worth the watch!

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Gilmore Girls Complete Reading List- Goodreads

So I recently binged every episode of Gilmore Girls for the first time this past winter, and I FUCKING LOVED IT.  From the fast talking, dysfunctional family and copious amounts of coffee consumed in this show, I fell in love with Rory’s character.  I was also impressed by the sheer amount of reading this girl did.  I came across this list a few months ago of every book mentioned in the show, and have now made it my goal to read all of them.  It is honestly such a good list of books to read even if you haven’t watched the show, so don’t be scared to take a peak if you know nothing about the town of Stars Hollow!  If you have watched the show, meet me at Luke’s for coffee and let’s tackle this 358 book list!

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I Love the 80’s- VH1

WHERE DO I START!?  Whether it was I Love the 80’s, I Love the 80’s Strikes Back, or I Love the 80’s 3D I would get so excited to sit for hours and binge these!  The commentary is HILARIOUS and although I never lived through this decade, I certainly felt a kindred spirit towards it after watching these.  If you missed out on this series, click on the link and please enjoy… see you in 3 days…

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WatchMojo.com- YouTube

This.  You know when it’s your day off and you don’t quite want to get out of bed, so you look at various social medias?  WatchMojo is what I do.  It is my kryptonite to doing anything productive.  Why should I leave bed when I could lie here and watch hundreds of countdown videos on various topics?  BEWARE! WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK!

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Do you like lists? Please, list your favorite lists in the comments!!

 

rant

A Real Relationship

Ah, the sweet romance.  Candle lit dinners and grand gestures.  Sweet whispers of nothing.  Our ideals of the perfect relationship stem from many mainstream medias.  Books are the forefathers, for sure.  Love affairs have been detailed since the dawning of the written word.  Romance in novels is so prominent that there is a whole category dedicated to such books. Whether it’s Harlequin, teen, or erotic book worms from every corner of the world have been taken by the idealistic passion of fictional relationships.  How do these stories affect our personal relationships and ideals of courtship?

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In recent times books like 50 Shades of Grey, The Fault in our Stars, and anything by Nicholas Sparks has sent a ripple of emotions in readers.  Lust, puppy love, and that heartfelt longing for another have ripped readers’ hearts in two over the many years.  Love is one of the strongest emotion a writer can play on, everyone knows it or wants it, but is the way they write is always the healthiest way to portray it?  What may seem like a story of a female who’s world is rocked by a more experienced male in ways that she is unsure of really that romantic?  The tentative, sweet, submissive lady who just “doesn’t know any better”, should that be the basis of our understanding to how relations work?  

Love isn’t something you should read about and feel like you have experienced it through a fictional character’s eyes.  It should not be taken lightly and be treated dangerously as fire and as gently as a newborn.  I have met many people saying they wished they had a relationship like so-and-so, typically a fictional bond.  All I can think to myself is why?  Why want something that isn’t real?  Love isn’t about if he ties you up, emotionally abuses you, or trying to start fights just to have passionate make-up sex after.

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It’s about finding your best friend and not being able to live a single moment without them (figuratively).  Finding fun in mundane life, caring for one another equally.  Books never want to tell you the boring love stories.  That doesn’t mean they are any less perfect.  I believe that people put such high expectations on relationships that they tend to overlook important things, like “can you stand this person longer than 24 hours?”  

Please, I am not telling you to lower your standards by any means.  The guy that you friendzoned isn’t right for you for a reason.  I’m just asking that you do not model your ideal relationship over a potentially hazardous one.

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rant

Page to Screen: A Book Snob’s Nightmare

“Oh my god.”  Elation, excitement, that squee that slips my mouth!  Abruptly cut off by “oh my god,” the sudden drop in my stomach and sweaty palms and trepidation.  Something could go horribly wrong.  What are these monsters thinking of taking something I love and tainting it?  How dare they.  How fucking dare they.  *deep breath*  It could be ok?  I have been known to worry.  Maybe I shouldn’t worry.

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This.  This is the reality of being a book lover and seeing that one of your favorite stories is being made into film.  You wake up one day, and see that someone from Hollywood has recognized what you’ve known for years is a genius novel.  It fills you with pride, like it’s your kid brother making the varsity baseball team.  But then maybe you see who they’ve casted, or the teaser trailer leaks.  And maybe you think, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING?”  You immediately log onto social media outlets, feverishly bashing the so-called adaption.  You demand someone’s head on a spike, protests, mass mutiny, anything, anything to stop this abomination.  

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If this is you, if you are a purest book worm who can only accept every word written and nothing less, you need to check yo’self before ya’ll wreck yo’self.

I will wholeheartedly admit that I am guilty of doing this.  When I was 11 and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone was coming out, I was out of my fucking mind excited.  My mom could not get me to shut the fuck up about how much I love the boy who lived and explain the first book in extreme detail so she knew what to expect in the movie.  She brought me the opening Friday after I got out of school.  I sat quietly for the duration.  As we left my mom asked how I liked it.  A fountain of negativity poured out of my mouth.  I HATED Daniel Radcliffe, I HATED how they didn’t do all of the obstacles the teachers made, man I didn’t even really like Richard Harris as Dumbledore.  My mother, so wonderful, listened to my complaints and she explained to me that sometimes when books get made into movies, they have to make things work for film.  Not everyone can look perfectly how I envisioned them.  Not every scene can be kept.  What’s perfect from a literary standpoint can be anything but from a cinematic point of view.  She took me again the next weekend.  Watching it for a second time, with new eyes, I loved it.  I realized that I was being a snob.  That other opinions and perspectives are valid.  No need to be ruffled or miffed if you do not agree.  But always try to appreciate.  The second time I watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone I appreciated all the wonderful intricacies of this world it brought to life for me.  It made me never watch another film adaptation with malicious intent.  

I am not defending every book to movie ever made.  Oh, I know there are some real bad ones out there.  I’m just thinking that people should really keep an open mind.  Do not jump to conclusions before you even see the movie or nitpick it to death when you do.  

Idris Elba is going to be Roland Deschain, and I don’t think it could have been casted better.

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